Rating: Prolly R, for cursing. Clyde has a dirty mouth. Peehole.
Whatever. What's the medical name for that? Timeline--Innocence, just after the horrible "You've got a lot to
learn about men" speech. The answer to the requested Clyde/Angelus
Angelus whislted a song, strolling down the street in search
of a sweet young thing for dinner.
Winky: Hey, asshole!
Angelus: (looks around) Who the fuck said that?!
Winky: Down here, shit for brains. What in the holy flying fuck is
WRONG WITH YOU!?
Angelus: OH! Hey old buddy, long time no chat. How's it hanging
these days? Still to the left, I see.
Winky: Yeah, shove the small talk where the sun doesn't shine. Have
you lost your mind? Seriously? I mean, yeah, no soul, evil, I get
all that. Not my first choice of bodies to be attached to, I'll be
honest, but it's been decent.
Angelus: So what's got your panties in a bunch?
Winky: Yeah, yuck it up, Peaches, but you and I are about to have a
serious problem regarding Miss 'Blond and So Tight I Would Have Lost
Circulation If I Had Any' if you don't turn your ass around and go
back to that apartment.
Angelus: Be serious. She's the Slayer. I really doubt she's going
to be too warm for my form when she finds out I'm not her little
lapdog Angel anymore.
Winky: And YOU are going to be suffering from at least a year of
erectile dysfunction if you don't fix this. Now.
Angelus: You wouldn't.
Winky: Try me.
Angelus: (sighing) Look. There's certain things you do for...self
preservation. As a vampire, with no soul I might add, the LAST thing
I'm gonna do is try to tap some Buffy ass again.
Winky: I'm not talking about TRYING, pal, I'm talking action. And
lots of it. You have no idea what you missed last night, man. She
was AMAZING. I've never had it like that. But then, I guess you
might forget what it's like to have a little HUMAN pussy after all
those years of fucking Aunt Syph. I mean, Darla.
Angelus: She might have been a skeeze, granted, but she was
Winky: (getting very agitated) I DON'T CARE! Just try to put me in
someone besides Buffy. You're going to be the laughingstock of the
demon community when everyone finds out Angelus has...performance
Angelus: Empty threats, I'm sure.
Winky: Oh yeah? See what happens when you try to jack off, my
Angelus: What is your deal with this Buffy chick? I mean, sure,
she's a tasty piece and all, but come on. You going all soft on me
now? And I mean metaphorically, don't even think about it in any
Winky: Because....I've made friends with her lady downstairs and
we're in love, I'll have you know. She cleaned out a drawer for me.
Angelus: How sweet. You want I should get you a Hallmark card for
this special occasion?
Winky: How thoughtful! Oh, never mind, you shithead. Turn this
body around, right now, and go make it up to her. I'm serious. Just
go with me on this one, have I ever steered you wrong before? Skeezy
Angelus: Fine, but only because I do still need to be able to jack
Winky: Ahhh, just like old times, eh? You doing everything I say.
You're almost better than Angel, do you know how much convincing I
had to do to get him to even cop a feel? What a prude.
Angelus: Tell me about it.......
The End :)