Surprise, Winky-Style.

Rating: Prolly R, for cursing. Clyde has a dirty mouth. Peehole. Whatever. What's the medical name for that? Timeline--Innocence, just after the horrible "You've got a lot to learn about men" speech. The answer to the requested Clyde/Angelus Fic.

Angelus whislted a song, strolling down the street in search of a sweet young thing for dinner.

Winky: Hey, asshole!

Angelus: (looks around) Who the fuck said that?!

Winky: Down here, shit for brains. What in the holy flying fuck is WRONG WITH YOU!?

Angelus: OH! Hey old buddy, long time no chat. How's it hanging these days? Still to the left, I see.

Winky: Yeah, shove the small talk where the sun doesn't shine. Have you lost your mind? Seriously? I mean, yeah, no soul, evil, I get all that. Not my first choice of bodies to be attached to, I'll be honest, but it's been decent.

Angelus: So what's got your panties in a bunch?

Winky: Yeah, yuck it up, Peaches, but you and I are about to have a serious problem regarding Miss 'Blond and So Tight I Would Have Lost Circulation If I Had Any' if you don't turn your ass around and go back to that apartment.

Angelus: Be serious. She's the Slayer. I really doubt she's going to be too warm for my form when she finds out I'm not her little lapdog Angel anymore.

Winky: And YOU are going to be suffering from at least a year of erectile dysfunction if you don't fix this. Now.

Angelus: You wouldn't.

Winky: Try me.

Angelus: (sighing) Look. There's certain things you do for...self preservation. As a vampire, with no soul I might add, the LAST thing I'm gonna do is try to tap some Buffy ass again.

Winky: I'm not talking about TRYING, pal, I'm talking action. And lots of it. You have no idea what you missed last night, man. She was AMAZING. I've never had it like that. But then, I guess you might forget what it's like to have a little HUMAN pussy after all those years of fucking Aunt Syph. I mean, Darla.

Angelus: She might have been a skeeze, granted, but she was very....skilled.

Winky: (getting very agitated) I DON'T CARE! Just try to put me in someone besides Buffy. You're going to be the laughingstock of the demon community when everyone finds out Angelus has...performance anxiety.

Angelus: Empty threats, I'm sure.

Winky: Oh yeah? See what happens when you try to jack off, my friend.

Angelus: What is your deal with this Buffy chick? I mean, sure, she's a tasty piece and all, but come on. You going all soft on me now? And I mean metaphorically, don't even think about it in any other situation.

Winky: Because....I've made friends with her lady downstairs and we're in love, I'll have you know. She cleaned out a drawer for me.

Angelus: How sweet. You want I should get you a Hallmark card for this special occasion?

Winky: How thoughtful! Oh, never mind, you shithead. Turn this body around, right now, and go make it up to her. I'm serious. Just go with me on this one, have I ever steered you wrong before? Skeezy sires excluded?

Angelus: Fine, but only because I do still need to be able to jack off sometime.

Winky: Ahhh, just like old times, eh? You doing everything I say. You're almost better than Angel, do you know how much convincing I had to do to get him to even cop a feel? What a prude.

Angelus: Tell me about it.......

The End :)