Epilogue for Desperately Seeking Cookies
Rating: Hmmm--Let's go for R, allusions to dirty deeds and cursing.
Spoilers: Get thee to Desperately Seeking Cookies, it'll explain a lot.
Disclaimer: I really wished I owned them--they could be having WAY more fun, the poor things.
Summary: Angel/Other Alternating POV. Angel and his best friend have a chat. Blame is placed, and origins revealed. Angel is regular font, Other is italics.
Feedback: Pour some sugar on me, in the name of love -
You and I need to talk.
Whaa...haaaa. Who's there? What day is it?
You know who it is. Buffy's asleep, and you and I have some decisions to make.
Jesus Christ, Man! I just gave you the best four consecutive hours of sex you've ever had, and now you wanna talk? You're such a woman sometimes.
Watch it, pal. And, for the record, my tongue and fingers did a lot of your work. You were too out of it to remember much of anything.
Look, buddy. You ignore me and MY wants for years now, and then BAM! You offer me the Buffy Buffet and think I'm gonna keep my head clear? You're out of your fucking mind. Good god, Slayer muscles. That woman used muscles on me most women don't even know they HAVE!
Tell me about it. I thought she was gonna rip my finger right off my hand for a minute there. Not that I wouldn't mind, a small sacrifice to make for her, you know?
Get to the point. She's gonna wake up soon, and I gotta be ready.
You're being a little high and mighty for someone who was the *cause* of us leaving Buffy to begin with. Not to mention the one who thought screwing Cordelia was a good idea.
Hey, hey, hey, back the blame train up, Mr. "I want you to have a normal life". That was All YOU, Broody, don't forget it. I was all for staying in town, but you had to go and do the 'right thing'. That turned out well.
If I recall correctly, YOU were the one who couldn't stay calm anytime she even passed by us! Christ, you were the reason I couldn't wear anything tucked in, or she might have wondered about the troupe of Boy Scouts pup-tenting it in my pants!
Oh, so now I'm too BIG? Is that your bitch with me? I didn't hear Buffy complaining one little bit. As a matter of fact, I seem to remember a few 'Just like that's' and 'Oh God, you're so goods' thrown into the mix. As for Cordelia....hey. I'm sorry, man. I was just trying to get us some touch! You're gonna hold that against me forever now?
All I'm saying is don't get mad at me for your lack of Buffy sex. You brought it on yourself. But the drought is over, my friend. We have been delivered from the desert and brought into the promised land. Don't fuck it up.
Just what are you implying? That *I* don't know how to treat a lady? Hello! Over 200 years of field experience, my boy! You would be dead in the water if it weren't for my expertise, my finesse, my finely honed skills in the ways of seduction!
I'm just saying--stop reacting like a 15 year old. Shit, the first time today was nearly over before it began.
Look, I just need some time. Really. I'll be better. She's just too damn hot, man! I can't help myself!
Just take a deep breath and relax. We'll get through this together. We've been through worse, remember? Like when I named you?
Yeah. That. What kind of a bullshit name is Mr. Winky, anyway?
Whoa, so sorry if I offended you. Would it kill you to remember you're on MY body? Besides, you were the one who looked like you were winking at me.
Winking at you? You wish. You never heard of morning wood, Einstein?
What did you expect? It's not like I was trying to insult you. I just wasn't feeling creative that day.
And so you named me anyway? And labeled me with the stigma of an embarrassing cock moniker? Do you know what the other penises say about me? Do you?! You've doomed me to a life of shame.
Didn't you hear Buffy? She wants to rename you!
Yeah, because she laughed at MR. WINKY! Come on, look at me! I'm a stud! How can you expect me to perform for you with that name. Tell blondie to pick out something good. And something befitting a penis of my...stature.
You've got a deal. So.....she's looking pretty good, laying there. Naked. It has been years. I'm thinking we've got some more making up to do. You game?
I'm in. Let's do this thing! Oh, and Angel?
Yeah, Mr. Winky?
Could we do doggy style this time? Please? You know it's my favorite.
Mine too, Mr. Winky. Mine too.
Fade to Black
Too silly for words, but hey, who am I to say guys DON'T talk to their manhood this way? Feed me, please!